


Like Real People Do

by Anonymous



Category: Cyberpunk Red, Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, I'm making so much shit up yall, In the sense that it's just me fucking around, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Tags Are Hard, What Is Gender?, Yall this is me bullshitting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-10-26 06:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20737928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dream (noun): a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep; an unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy; a person or thing perceived as wonderful or perfect; some brain bullshit.Burger (noun): short for hamburger; a person or thing perceived as wonderful or perfect; this big guy that's probably smarter than he seems





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This should be anonymous! If it isn't, ripperoni!!!
> 
> This is entirely based off a post on my friend's Tumblr. Credit to them!!! 
> 
> This was previously posted on my own Tumblr blog, which is a secret!!!
> 
> Won't be regularly updated, but should be finished by the end of the world!!! Sorry if this is ooc, or as ooc as they can get considering they had a life of about two hours.

When he deigns to sleep, when the people on the other side of his screen go quiet, Vang0 dreams. He doesn’t get them. Because there’s someone there with him, bigger. Harder. They talk a lot, and Vang0′s stand-in talks a lot, and Vang0′s stand-in’s voice is deeper and he calls this person “sweetheart” and “sugar” and “handsome”. No name. Vang0 is a light sleeper, he wakes up easy, and he gets back to work and forgets his dreams because they don’t matter and the instructions filtering down his eye tell him to ignore everything but the forums, just do your job, Vang0, it’s what you’re for. He ignores the burning-bubbling-loud _thing_ sitting heavily in his stomach. 

According to the clock on his computer, he’s been Awake for two weeks. Fourteen dreams. Two hundred and twenty-four hours of moderating. No food, no visitors, nothing. 

He doesn’t mind the chain anymore. It’s grounding, keeps him working. If he doesn’t work, he’s nothing. That’s what the instructions say, and the people on the other side of his screen, and his brain. He doesn’t know what else he’d do. Find himself, whoever he was before (if there even was someone before Vang0 Bang0)? Nah, he’s good here. Tired. Hungry. Thirsty. Alive. 

Hour two hundred and twenty-five: stand up for a five-minute break. Stretch, pop his back, try not to collapse back into his chair. Read the instructions (“Four minutes remaining. Don’t be alarmed, you’ll thank us later. Three minutes remaining.”) Scream a bit as the door to the warehouse is kicked open with entirely too much force and fall back into the chair as the biggest man he’s seen in his entire life walks into the room scratching the top of his head looking as confused as Vang0 feels. That’s another person, another living person. That’s the dream person…but not. One of their eyes is cybernetic, red and glowing faintly in the dim light. Their hair’s longer, hanging greasy over their shoulders. They look exhausted. 

They stare openly at Vang0, who stares right back. His heart’s pounding stupid-fast for some fucking reason and it won’t _stop_ and the instructions are going by a mile a minute. 

“You’re not Florez,” they say. Their jaw squeaks. 

An itch at the back of Vang0′s mind is telling him this is important. Like the instructions, but…not. Better. _Important_. 

He flips the laptop lid shut for the first time and ignores how his hands shake as they move to make the programmed signs, and he speaks for the first time in his life. “Nah, I’m Vang0 Bang0, I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”

* * *

As “payment” for rescuing him, Burger asks Vang0 to help him use a computer, because he’s apparently not very good at it. It would be cute if it wasn’t the most frustrating thing Vang0′s ever had to deal with, and he’s had to deal with _How I Met Your Mother _roleplayers on the _Garfield _forum. 

He just has to help him use the computer, then he’s home free. “Home” free. As free as a man with no identity and no memories and no home can be. He might mooch dinner off Burger Chainz, though, he’s stupid and sweet and keeps offering to let Vang0 stay in his friend’s apartment since he has the key and is catsitting, anyway. 

Burger Chainz seems like a sweet guy. Too sweet. Like any minute he’s going to snap and put another chain on Vang0′s ankle and keep him in the back of that van and never let him go. He looks so damn _lonely__, _it hurts. 

“I need to find this guy,” Burger says as soon as they’re onto one of the many, many, _many _people-tracking websites Vang0 knows of. He pulls something up on his Agent with some difficulty and shows Vang0, and Vang0 almost falls out of his chair at the sudden _ice pain cold pain pain _hitting his chest. 

Two people in front of a tourist trap in the middle of the long highway from Music City to Night City, in front of a big plastic ear of corn twice Burger’s size. Burger looks like he does in Vang0′s dreams. He has an arm around a shorter person’s shoulders, smiling so wide his face could fall apart, leaning his head down to nuzzle the top of the other’s head. Yeah. Vang0 could find them, they look pretty human. Original, with long strawberry-blond hair and more freckles than is probably normal. 

Vang0 yanks Burger’s wrist over and taps some things to send it to Burger's email, then moves back to the computer to get the picture to the website. Pauses, goes back and crops the picture so it’s just the other person. Pretends he doesn’t hear Burger sniffling next to him, because he does _not _have time for that. He’s so close to freedom, so close, even the instructions have been quiet since he left the warehouse. 

And nothing comes up. 

Vang0 frowns and blows some hair out of his face, and moves onto another website. Same result. Same for another site, then another, then another, and Burger’s up and getting some water and shit from the front counter and Vang0 is alone with the computer. 

When Burger sits back down next to him and slides over a plate of cookies, Vang0 sniffs one and hesitantly nibbles on it as another site slowly loads. 

“Who are they?” he asks, tilting his head towards the person on the screen. That smile…it’s too wide. The gap in their teeth isn’t natural. Nothing about them feels real, yet it does, like seeing an artificially-produced human for the first time. 

“That’s Lock,” Burger says. He sniffs again and steals a napkin to dab at his eye with. “Old buddy. Been missing two years now.”

Vang0′s blood runs cold. Bleh, compassion. 

“Rip,” Vang0 says. He takes a big bite out of the cookie and involuntarily lets out a moan. His first-ever food. Pumpkin-raisin cookie, probably actually shit, but it’s the best thing in the world ever. _Ever_. 

“Yeah, I just figured you’d be able to help. You’re the computer guy, right? Or a computer guy.”

“Not like I wanted to be,” he says before he knows it, and he pauses because that’s what Dream Him says all the time. Nothing else, really, when Burger compliments him. Dream Him was a computer guy. He knows that. Has known that from night one when Vang0 dreamt of hacking a guy’s phone from across the street and wiring so much money over he could afford to buy his very large friend a new tire for the van because maybe he accidentally popped it, maybe, in a getaway gone awry. 

Burger sags in his seat and sullenly sips on his water. “That’s what he said, too. But he was, he was a real genius. The real brains of the operation, but he was kinda a dumbass. One time he found this pigeon and-”

“Yeah, whatever, website’s done loading,” Vang0 snaps. His eyes hurt. 

The website comes up negative again. It’s like this Lock person’s been wiped from everything. 

That night as Vang0 sleeps in the back of a dingy little van, he dreams of going to see a movie with the younger Burger, of slotting himself under Burger’s surprisingly-sleeved arm and putting his feet up on the seat in front of himself and whispering as the trailers start. 

“This is all bullshit,” he whispers. He’s not good at whispering, it’s almost as loud as his regular voice. “Capitalist bullshit. No one’s gonna see these.”

“’cept us,” Burger says, his voice properly soft and quiet. He kisses the top of Vang0′s stand-in’s head gently. “And we don’t even pay nothing.”

“Nope.” His stand-in pops the ‘p’ and grins sharply, almost pained. The gun in his waistband feels heavier, somehow. He kisses Burger’s palm and hums. “We’re criminals now.”

“Sure are,” someone else says. They slip into the seat next to him and laugh, and Burger’s arm tightens around his shoulders, and he shudders ever-so-slightly, and he manages to catch a glance of bright green hair before snapping his head back to the screen. “Now hush up, lovebirds, it’s almost showtime.”

Vang0 wakes up before he sees what the movie is. Burger’s still snoring next to him. He could leave now, it’d be perfectly reasonable. 

But he doesn’t. He just flops onto his stomach and sighs and drifts back off and catches the end of the movie and a desperate kiss from Burger as the lights go up and the only other person in the theater cackles something about Queen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic will not be like. A set timeline thing. Chronological? Idk man, I have like a hundred job interviews tomorrow and i'm tired. 
> 
> What I'm saying is that this fic will probably be, like, a bunch of one-shots in this universe ending in the big finish.

Vang0 Bang0 does not subscribe to gender norms, thank you very much. He’s very much into the whole “fuck gender, actually,” thing. 

Gender isn’t real. Neither is sex, really, but trying to explain that one to Burger is not worth the trouble. And honestly, neither is the whole gender thing. Because Vang0’s fine with he-him-his. He prefers it, actually. And trying to explain to some people that just because he’s nonbinary doesn’t mean that he uses they-them is…too much, even for him. Maybe later, he’ll try they-them. At some point when he gets bored of his current pronouns and wants to know whether or not he actually doesn’t like they-them or if he just thinks he doesn’t.

It’s complicated, but he gets it. Been on the Internet long enough, and Night City’s good about this stuff. Better than some places, based off Burger’s tired, angry ranting after a couple weeks of being on the road looking for his missing love. He’ll pull into Vang0’s building’s garage and go up and crash on Vang0’s couch and complain about how there are some real assholes in this world. God ain’t real, so why bother following His word? That kind of bullshit really grinds Burger’s gears. Interesting. Promising, actually, because that probably means he wouldn’t tell Vang0 he’s fucked beyond all belief. Hopefully. Because Burger deserves to know. And Vang0 wants to tell him.

Vang0 tries out they-them for one day, and it’s not that bad. Not him, really, but kinda nice. They’re the only one using them. Because they don’t want to bother Burger, honestly, doesn’t want to confuse him. Because he’ll get confused. He will. Vang0 Bang0 is not, in fact, scared.

“You’ve been weird all day,” Burger astutely says from his spot lounged across Vang0′s couch. He should be, like, not here, but that’s not how these things work. 

Burger’s moving properly into the city because his special person isn’t out in the world, apparently. Or maybe he’s just given up. But that can’t be it, and it puts a sour feeling in Vang0′s stomach, so they give up on that. Fuck that, actually. 

But Burger’s here on Vang0′s couch for the foreseeable future because there’s no way in hell Vang0′s letting him sleep in that grimy old van. No way. And so he’s on Vang0′s couch when they stream. 

And Vang0 always streams. 

And Vang0′s about to stream. As Vang0 Bang0, they-them, not that anyone but them’ll know that last part. 

So Vang0 just rolls their eyes and twists their nose a bit, as they do just about every time Burger asks something weird, and they continue trying to get their fucking Epic account online, piece of shit app. “I’m fine, Burger, thank you.”

“I mean, you are fine,” says Burger, astute yet again. Pure genius, he is. “But you’re jumpy. Just a bit. Want a juice pack?”

Vang0 Bang0, in fact, does not want a juice pack. But they flop against the back of their gamer chair with a sigh and accepts the offer. Better be cranberry-pickle.

It’s grape. Dammit. 

Thing is about Burger Chainz, he somehow makes Vang0 feel better about everything. He should’ve been a therapist, or something, but it’s not like he had the brains or the money to go to college. But he somehow…_knows_. Knows everything. He’s fucking weird. 

So after a couple minutes of silent juice-sipping, Vang0 sighs. 

“I’m nonbinary and I’m trying to use different pronouns today but I didn’t want to tell anyone,” they say, and they continue on before Burger has a chance to interrupt with something either really stupid or really profound or both. “Pronouns are bullshit, but I want the right ones.”

“Like shoes,” Burger says. Soft, and sounding like he’s about to laugh. He would laugh, the asshole. But he doesn’t. “My partner used they and them, sometimes. Depended on Lock’s mood. He usually did the, uh, guy pronouns, but he said it was kinda like shoes. You wouldn’t wear a pair of Trucks your whole life, right?”

Vang0 lets out something they didn’t know they were holding and laughs, just a little, and puts their juice down. 

“Yeah. Well, whatever. Today I’m testing out they and them, so…” 

They trail off and cough and go back to their computer. 

Burger’s silent for a moment before he smiles and flashes a thumbs-up. It’s endearing, god. This isn’t fair. 

Vang0 rolls their eyes, sighs yet again, and absolutely doesn’t deflect with: “Get me another juice pack, please.”

And Burger smiles wider and goes to get them one, and Vang0 maybe locks him out of the chat. Just in case. They’ll get there eventually, maybe, probably not, honestly. Tomorrow, they’ll be he-him Vang0 again.

But that’s tomorrow, and Vang0′s wearing his Crocs today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i too like to project (sincerely, she/her nb who's also fine with they/them)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: regarding the accounts of the love and times of lock chainz and his boyfriend and vang0 bang0′s very irritated listening of said accounts because it’s two in the morning, burger, jeez-us part one god so help him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am never going to edit this fic

“We’re gonna get married,” Burger says, fumbling his way through a braid. Vang0 will forgive him eventually. “When we’re back together. I promised.”

“Cool,” Vang0 says, desperately hoping that Burger doesn’t start crying. Again. He does _not_ want to deal with that shit tonight. 

Burger continues on, sounding like he’s a million miles away. Maybe he is, remembering a night so long ago it’s but a distant memory of a person so far gone that the only picture of him is on a dusty old Agent on a dusty dumbass’ wrist, of a kiss so…so… 

“Back before we left for the city. I said, ‘Lock, my love, my one and only. Lock, I will marry you and provide you until the end of our days’.”

Burger sniffs. Vang0 sniffs, but not because he’s crying. He isn’t. That would, frankly, be ridiculous. 

“Yeah,” Vang0 says. He sniffs again and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his jacket. “Then he slapped you and said he could look out for himself.”

“Yeah,” Burger sighs. He stops braiding; Vang0 can hear the thud of him flopping back against the back of the couch and sending up a helluva cloud of dust. Vang0 sneezes despite his best efforts to not sound like a dying rhino. “He’s great. You’d like him.”

Vang0 sneezes up the sudden lump in his throat and ends up pulling something in his back as he doubles over, fuck, he’s not _that_ old. He’s only…

He’s not _that_ old.

“Nah,” Vang0 says. He wrinkles his nose and slowly settles back between Burger’s legs, wincing as something clicks. “I’m not a people person.”

“Neither’s he, but everyone likes him anyway. I think it’s his good looks.”

Vang0 absolutely does not blush at that, not at all. Self-denial may be his only defense mechanism other than the several firearms he keeps on his person, but he is not using it. Will not use it. He’s better than whatever this is. He’s just being _smothered_ by Burger’s beefy thighs. Calfs. Legs. Whatever.

_“Thank you,”_ he wants to say, and it almost jumps out of his traitor throat before he manages to interrupt it with, “He looks like a human version of the apple logo. Like if oatmeal became a man that then died in a barn and was reborn as a terrible country singer.”

Burger yanks lightly on Vang0′s hair with a hum. “He’s cuter than a chipmunk.”

“Better looking than a rodent, wow, what a compliment.”

“Be nice, he was a real sweetheart. Is…is a real sweetheart.”

Burger’s hands fall away again and Vang0 hears another sniff and, goddamnit, tonight is going to be one of those nights, isn’t it? Yet another night of ignoring his streaming duties to attempt to comfort a man who pretends that nothing is wrong. It’d be ironic if it wasn’t fucking _annoying_. 

Vang0 sighs and tips his head back, looking Burger in the face. His one eye is just as watery as it was seven years ago when he told his partner that he wants to marry him. His heart’s too big. It’s dangerous. Vang0′s only been out in the world a year, but he knows that gooey shit can get you killed. It’s a wonder Burger Chainz has lasted this long by himself. Three years with a bleeding heart is deadly. Lock must’ve been a real asshole, had to have been, to keep them alive in this city. 

Vang0 doesn’t know what an apology is. He knows the definition, but everything is just _foreign_, the way everything is when it isn’t numbers or code. 

“Technically,” Vang0 says. “chipmunks are dope as hell. Not cute. Lock was like a chinchilla.”

Burger frowns. “What’s that?”

-

That night, Vang0′s stand-in crashes the car he’s driving in the middle of a car chase to avoid hitting a chipmunk. He doesn’t see more than those few seconds before seeing red and black and nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: secret!!! 
> 
> If you recognize this writing style and know who I am, you know my Tumblr blog. I've taken a break from regularly writing because some people made me real pissed and I lost all enjoyment for the hobby, but the Cyberpunk episode came out on my birthday, so I had to legally love it. I don't know how anonymous works because I'm a thembo and a herb0, but alas, whatever the fuck.


End file.
